The End is Near

Our Livestock

Our Livestock

This is the thing I say every year.

As the calendar year winds down to a final push, in which we must all run out to find NEXT YEAR’S calendar, we stop to take stock of our lives.

Our livestock.

In review, in 2016 a lot of rather famous people died. And a lot of us were rather sorry, as if we knew them personally.

In 2016, I vowed never to listen to the insane recommendations of IMDB.com that cannot tell a comedy from a drama from a tragedy from a grilled cheese sandwich (really, what’s up with these guys?).

In 2016, I vowed to renew my diet at least 16 times. And, as a result, I gained at least 17 kilos.

In short, nothing seems to have happened in 2016 that has not happened before. Recorded Time is full of reruns and repeats – although it seems that Time enjoys the bad stuff a little more.

So now that end is nigh, once again, what have we learned? Let’s have a look at the wisdom that will carry us forward into MMXVII A.D. and allow us a plethora of facepalms as we repeat our mistakes again in the coming year….

Ten things I have learned…

  1. That the guy at the meat counter at Alonso does not bother to clean the meat grinder more than once in a year.
  2. That the delicatessen lady in the same place cleans the floor and the slicer with the same rag.
  3. That “parking,” in Serbian, means the moment when you turn off the ignition, no matter where you are.mqdefault
  4. That “legal parking” means… nothing in particular.
  5. That e-books cost about the same as regular paper books.
  6. That if one person in Belgrade whispers the word “flu”, everyone within 100km comes down with it.
  7. That I drink entirely too much coffee. I should switch to injections.
  8. That a kiosk owner is willing to spend an average of seven minutes more on each transaction on the chance of your having exact change.
  9. That it is just easier to say “marketing,” when someone asks what you do.
  10. That everyone is in marketing.

Armed with this New Knowledge, knowledge that I have obtained through often painful and calamitous circumstances, I can add another to the list:

  1. That I will apply NONE of this knowledge to the betterment of my life

This will be my 51st New Year’s transition as a resident of this planet and the 14th in my life here in Belgrade. For many of these many years, I have started out with a handful of Good Intentions and more than a few Resolutions. I usually pledge to quit a number of nasty habits (smoking, sniffing glue, diffusing improvised explosive devices without proper supervision). Or I vow to take up New and Improving Habits (reading more, eating properly, remembering to pay for Zone 3 parking on Saturday mornings).

This year I will not.

I am fully resolved to keep all my self-destructive habits throughout 2017 and steadfastly refusing to opt for good health and common sense during the same time period. In this way, and true to my contrarian nature, something good may come out of the passage from the year that has been into the year that will have been in a year’s time.

The end, after all, is near. And a beginning cannot be far behind it.

Happy transition!

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