The Standard Deviation

Allegedly Committed by Chris Farmer

The Grumpiest Time of the Year

walkingEverything I say offends someone.

As an equal-opportunity curmudgeon, I feel no sense of shame in my grumpy mutterings because, in the course of a year, each reader will find him- or herself singled out and injuriously slandered by my offhanded remarks. It is the nature of the beast.

And you’re welcome. Continue reading

Conversation Stoppers for Fun and Profit

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CONVERSATION RESIGNATION LETTER.

BY  AND 

– – – –

Date:
5 minutes ago

Address:
By the bowl of stale salt and vinegar chips
Friday Night Drinks
Awkward office party
Ugly office Building.

Dear Drinks-goer,

Please accept this immediate notice of my resignation from this conversation.

I’ve decided that at this point in time — specifically, right after you asked if I “had much on for the weekend” — that it would be best for me to move on and pursue other conversation opportunities.

(read the rest)

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/

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