Balkan Time(s)

Screen Shot 2016-02-16 at 12.16.02Time is a funny thing.

We usually think we don’t have enough of it, as if it would suddenly run out. And sometimes time seems to stand still. We set ourselves appointments in time, deadlines in time, and sometimes allow ourselves a timeout.

The whole world has agreed to this arbitrary standard, as a means of segmenting our finite human sojourn on this planet. We have divided it up into a certain amount of months, weeks, days, and hours and we agree to allow it to reign supreme over all our activities. Time is a cruel master – it never bends to our needs and we are forever chasing after it.

But then you arrive in the Balkans. Continue reading

Neighbouring Countries Fear Wave Of Wealthy French Refugees; “Fears Unfounded” Says France

PARIS – Traffic on the French capital’s roads, waterways, and airports has been unaffected by the mass exodus of the country’s wealthiest citizens fleeing the proposed 75% wealth tax to be imposed on income over EUR 1 million. 

frenchAccording to police statements earlier today, transit authorities had prepared for the worst, believing that a large segment of the nation’s economy would be seeking escape from the tax hike, but the result has not been as disruptive as originally thought.

In fact, all six of the French nationals who would be affected by the wealth tax left together in a single private jet from Orly airport earlier today.

Speaking to The Global Edition en route to an undisclosed location allegedly in French Polynesia, Hubert Valéry Patrick Stanislas, Duke of Montmorency, sounded somewhat bitter about the departure. “We six contribute 72 percent of the French economy already. But enough is enough.” The Duke fumed about the government’s decision but was undeterred from the decision to relocate. “When Mr. Hollande came to ask us for money for his political ambitions a few years ago, we refused. Now he wishes to take it by force. We will not play this game.”

In the meantime, the Banque de France put out a statement regarding the results of the exodus. “This emigration has left the French treasury with EUR 29.37 available. We can no longer afford even a ‘café au lait.’ Clearly we will be looking to the government to trim the budget proportionately.

The upshot of Mr. Hollande’s initiative, ostensibly to fund priority budget items, seems to have been the exact opposite of his goals. The Prime Minister declined to comment on the blow to the national coffers, but an assistant in the premier’s media department was overheard to have said, “I told him 75 percent was too much. Maybe if he had said 75 cents as I suggested…”

The assistant in question denies having said this.

Although the six émigrés have not been specific as to where they will eventually settle, rumors are circulating that they may take control of an independent Pacific island, build it up, and become the largest economic power in the world.

Montmorency called such claims “exaggerated.”

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Global Edition, August 2011